You’ve started working on your blogging business and you’re so excited, but you’re also exhausted and overwhelmed because there are these people in your home who want you to do something other than sit in front of the computer! Plus, there’s laundry to do, dishes to wash, bathrooms to clean, errands to run, meals to make, events to attend… and you’d really like to sleep, too!
You want to do a great job of this blog thing, but you also don’t want it to take over every waking moment of your day or steal your ability to love on your people, invest in your health, and get enough sleep.
So you might be wondering right about now: is it possible to have a balance between blogging and life?
I wondered for a long time if it was possible. You see, my book Say Goodbye to Survival Mode was all about how I failed at balancing motherhood and a business and the lessons I learned from that. When my kids were ages 5, 2, and newborn, I was also running 3 blogs (crazy, I know!!) plus doing a lot of other things.
I had started way too many things, taken on way too many responsibilities, committed to too many things, and then found myself completely exhausted and overwhelmed.
To try to do everything I felt I had to do, I pulled all-nighters, pushed myself too hard, sacrificed sleep, and burnt myself out. I almost lost my marriage, health, and my business in the process of trying to do way too much.
I finally got to a place where I simply couldn’t do it anymore. I hit rock bottom, and I was in a really bad place. In desperation, I poured out my heart to my husband, telling him how overwhelmed I was and expecting he would give me a pep talk and encourage me.
Instead, he told me these powerful words: “Crystal, you are bringing this on yourself.”
I didn’t want to hear it, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. And I realized deep down in my heart that he was right.
The reality was that I was the one who was saying yes to way too many things. I was the one who was feeling obligated to take on too many responsibilities and commitments. I was the one who didn’t have good boundaries in place and was stretching myself too thin.
As I pondered Jesse’s words, the truth hit me: I was the problem. However, this was also good news, because it meant that I could be the solution!
With this in mind, I went on a life-changing journey to really discover how to climb out of the crazy pit I had dug for myself. It’s been a process — and it hasn’t been all smooth sailing. I often take two steps forward and then one step backward. But I’m here to say that it is possible to have a healthy balance. Not a perfect balance, but a healthy balance between work and life.
If you are struggling to find a balance between blogging and life, here are three lessons I’ve learned from years of trial and error:
1. Stop chasing after a perfect balance.
One of the most important things I’ve had to learn the hard way is to change my definition of what “balance” looks like.
For years, I chased after the illusive “perfect balance” and I kept coming up short, feeling like I was failing and dropping the ball because every time I seemed to get all of my ducks in a row, something would happen that would throw my perfect plans all off kilter.
I finally realized that there is no such thing as a perfect balance, because life is never all perfect. My kids get sick, my friend is struggling, the fridge breaks down, my blog hosting is glitching, I get sick… that’s just life! There’s always something that is not working or something that is requiring extra effort or something that is throwing my day off-balance.
So I’ve stopped chasing after a perfect balance and have started making a healthy balance
my goal. Why? Because I’ve learned that balance doesn’t mean that you have everything in perfect order all the time. Instead, a healthy balance is being able to look at your year as a whole and see that you have invested a significant amount of time in all areas that are your priorities.
Sometimes, you are going to focus more on your blog or business — especially if you are just getting started or you are launching something. But you also want to make sure that you have days and weeks and seasons when you are investing a lot of time into the people and priorities that are not online.
When I look at my year as a whole, I want to see that I’ve really poured a lot of time and effort into all of my greatest priorities and not sorely neglected my family for the sake of my blog or that I’ve neglected my health or sacrificed my marriage on the altar of launching a product.
I’ve had to accept that every day is going to be and look different in my life right now. Some days, I’ll be focused more on one priority and some days, I’ll be focused more on different priorities.
For instance, when I launch a new course, it usually means that there is a 2-4 day period where I’m spending a lot more time on the computer and am often working extra hours, my family won’t see me as much, and I’ll be up late working.
But then, there are many weeks, when I’ll take a day mostly “off” from blogging to go on a field trip with one of my kids or to hang out with a friend or to spend quality time with my kids and husband.
This is what a healthy balance is. Sometimes, I have “sprint seasons” where for a few days — or even weeks — I am just powering through and working long hours to complete a big project. And some days and weeks, I’m offline most or all of the day to focus on my family.
Give yourself grace to not feel guilt in either mode. It’s okay to focus more on priority some days and more on another priority on another day. Look at your week as a whole, your month as a whole, and your year as a whole when determining how balanced your life is.
2. Take time for you.
I am a very driven person. Which can be a fantastic thing much of the time — especially when it comes to getting things done and staying motivated. However, as a result of being so driven, I often struggle to prioritize myself. I always want to go, go, go and help as many people as possible. I always have more ideas than I have time!
I’m learning more and more how important it is to give myself grace, to take time for rest, and to make pouring into myself a priority so that I have the energy to pour into others. If you pour and pour and pour yourself out for others and never take time to refuel yourself, you’ll end up completely exhausted and burnt out and good to no one.
I’m an introvert and a Highly Sensitive Person, which means that I don’t have the capacity that some other people do. I love people, but I’ve learned that after spending 3-4 hours with them, I need some quiet and alone time.
Taking time for me and giving myself permission to be by myself makes a huge difference. I don’t have my main e-mail account on my phone. I don’t use my phone for updating Facebook or my blog, I’m a complete minimalist when it comes to apps, and I try to have at least 8-10 hours every day when I leave my laptop completely closed.
I also try to make sure that I have at least 1 1/2 hours in the morning where I take time to refuel myself — exercising, reading God’s Word, reading an encouraging book, reviewing my plan for the day, and taking some time to get ready while listening to podcasts.
Over time, I’ve discovered that my brain is so much calmer when I don’t check my e-mail right away in the mornings and just spend the mornings focused on pouring into myself and then hanging out with my family!
3. Learn to delete and delegate.
When I say yes to one thing, I’m saying no to something else. I have had to ask myself often, “Is there anything I’m saying yes to, that I really should be saying no to?”
It’s so important to learn what you want to say yes to most often. I can’t pack my schedule so full that my family gets the leftovers, because I want my family to get the best parts of me.
Over time, I have recognized that my saying yes often stems from comparison. I try to compare myself to other bloggers, mothers, and business owners. I want to be all things at all times.
I’ve come to the realization that I don’t have to do everything. In fact, I can’t do everything. I can only do what I can do. And I should only do what I am called to do. And I’ve learned to be okay with that. I am me, not someone else, and the only person I should compare myself to is me!
I am called to write and blog and run a business at this season of life. In order to carve out the time for this to be a priority, I have to say “no” to other things and allow my family and others to carry some of the rest of the load.
Jesse and I split the house and kid and cooking responsibilities, I say “no” to a lot of outside opportunities and obligations that would eat into my business hours, we have a cleaning service come in and deep clean our house every week, my team takes care of almost all of the administrative details of running the blogs/business so I can focus my time on the things only I can do and the things I love to do, and my kids do all of our laundry and help with the cooking and daily cleaning.
What is one of your top tips to maintain a healthy work/life balance? I’d love to hear!
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Learning how to say ‘no’ without apologizing has been something I’ve been trying to do more of. I used to always feel like I had to provide a detailed list of why I couldn’t help someone, but I’m realizing people are actually pretty understanding. They don’t likely want to hear how busy I am as they are probably very busy as well…that is just the nature of our current world. I have also found that by not taking the lead on various tasks (and trying to do everything myself), others have stepped up and been given opportunities to grow themselves!
These are great things to remember! Thank you for sharing!
This is what I am working on as well! As a lifelong people pleaser I recently had a ton of anxiety in following through with telling someone no. Unfortunately, it didn’t go over so well. I know this means that ultimately they wouldn’t have respected my priorities and it was for the best but I am still struggling with feeling like I let them down! I guess it takes practice.
Well, I really needed to read this post today. I am struggling with creating a successful blog, and this can truly consume you. I can totally relate to your family being tired of you sitting in front of the computer all the time.
Finding balance is difficult. I know that I need to take time for myself, but it’s hard when there is so much to do when it comes to starting a blog.
You have helped me see today that I need to back off a little before I end up burning myself out.
Thanks again for your great insight!
I’m so grateful that it encouraged you! Thank you for your kind words!
Oh my, this was perfectly timed. I have been struggling SO MUCH with balancing blogging and life lately, especially since my blog is still very much in the growing phase. I want to put in the work that it requires, but I don’t want to sacrifice my family in the process. I started my blog with the goal to be able to stay home with my kids, so it would be foolish of me to do it at the expense of my kids. I have looked up to you and how you manage a flourishing business AND raise Godly children, so I appreciated the insight into how you do it.
I especially loved the reminder that there are seasons, and that sometimes I’m going to focus more on my blog, and other times I’m going to focus more on other areas of my life. And that neither one necessarily means I’m neglecting the other. Thank you – I needed that!
I’m so grateful that this post encouraged you! Thank you for sharing!
Crystal,
This blog resonated so much with me. I could relate to almost every point. I found myself thinking ,”yes..yes..yes..yes..yes”. Constantly searching for balance, introvert, highly sensitive, struggle with comparison, learning to say no, learning to take time for myself, these are just a few things that I could relate to. I was so encouraged because many times I wonder if I’m doing this whole blogging thing right. Are my struggles even getting me anywhere? Thank you for being transparent about your process. Because I’m finding it IS a process. I look forward to reading more.
Thank you so much for your kind encouragement! I’m so grateful that this post was helpful. And YES! It is a process! And sometimes, I’m learning that the process is more important than the destination!
Just this week I made some choices to chill out about blogging. I needed to pull back from my obsessive drive to succeed. And you know what? The world still turned. I was a happier and less stressed mama. My family is therefore happier. I work on the blog after the kids are in bed for a an hour or two. What gets done gets done, and I’m making progress – not speed of light type progress, but steady progress. Thanks for sharing your journey with us! It’s a great reminder that we get to choose our life.
Way to go for making those hard choices that will pay off in big dividends in the long run! And YES! We get to choose our life!
Crystal, I love the idea of looking at the month or year as a whole to see if we are balanced. I’m currently working on a post about habits and it struck me that having good habits or a balanced life is not about perfection! A balanced life should have strong patterns revealing our true priorities, despite days or moments when we miss the mark!
So, my tips lately that I’m learning – Calling my blog a business helps me to prioritize my blog and feel less guilty about devoting some time to it each day. Also, I have started referring to myself as a Work from Home Mom ( instead of Homeschool Mom) to encourage my family to realize my role has changed. So far it is a little bit of a ongoing joke with my hubby since I’m not actually bringing in any $:)
When I started owning the fact that I was a “work from home mom”, it totally changed how I viewed my life and gave me freedom to make better choices and feel less guilt.
Still working on finding a healthy balance! it’s a work in progress…
Yes! We’re all a work in progress!
Loved this post! I’ve found number one to be so true, and have tried to get better at proactively stepping back my expectations in some areas as another needs more attention.
There is no way to do it all perfectly and stay sane, so when something comes up, I look at everything on my plate and decide what can get dropped, delegated, done to a lesser degree for a time.
By being purposeful, I no longer feel like a victim of my circumstances. I’m no longer constantly in reactive mode.
Thank you for this post, and all you do!
“I no longer feel like a victim of my circumstances.”
Way to go! And I’m glad this post encouraged you!
Thank you for that insight! As others have said, that came at the perfect time, and it’s funny because “the perfect time” is different for everyone. I’m just starting (Day 2 in the Blogging University), so even glimpsing a need to hire others to administrate or to clean honestly makes my heart beat a little too fast. 🙂 I’m also an introvert and a highly sensitive person, so the view from that perspective is very useful. Two things resonated deeply. The first is saying yes out of comparison. That is a great trap for me, and it stays well-hidden. The other is the importance of defining what balance actually is in life, and I’m seeing that stepping out and looking at a bigger picture is of great value.
I’m so grateful that this post encouraged you! Thank you for taking the time to share! And I’m cheering for you as you begin your blogging journey!
Maybe I’m confused, but I recall reading a budget book you wrote long before the “Survival Mode” book. Also, didn’t you self publish numerous books during the Biblical Womanhood days? Not sure why you’re leaving those out??
Whoops! I have no idea how the word “first” got in front of Say Goodbye to Survival Mode!! You are absolutely right, it was my second published book and I also self-published some ebooks and booklets before then. I need to have you proof my posts before I publish them… because you wouldn’t believe how often I use the wrong word when I’m writing. Someone else will be talking and saying a word (like the word “first”) and I somehow add it into my sentence. And sometimes, I don’t catch these things when I’m proofing my posts before I publish them!! Thanks so much for catching that error. Who knows how it got in there because I wrote this post in bits and pieces over a week-long period! 🙂
Yes!!! I agree with this so much. I look at balance over chunks of time. In a week, I make sure that I have time with family, exercise, work, and a bit of introvert “me” time. In the course of a month I want to balance out special stuff with my family, while also getting time with friends. When I look at my year, I want to see a balance of achieving my goals in my personal and professional life.
But I also look at really long term balance. I pushed for 5 years to complete grad school while having small children at home and working. It was tough. But I have spent the last year and a half in a “sabbatical” where I have worked part time and really not had other commitments. It has been a season of rest.
And now I’m getting restless. I’ve had my rest and it’s time to start working on my side hustle!
Times of rest are good… but I so get what you’re saying about getting restless! 🙂
One of the best messages our former pastor shared was the simple truth that saying “yes” to one thing means you are saying “no” to something else. I don’t remember the whole message, but those words have never left me. The key is that we can choose the “no’s”; otherwise it will just happen on it’s own, and the result probably won’t be healthy!
This seems to be a constant learning curve for me, but I trust that I will continue to find that healthy balance. Thanks again for sharing your experience and growth with us!
Yes, yes, yes! Such wise advice and good words to remember!
Working full time outside the home as well as trying to get another income stream off the ground can be difficult. It’s a constant struggle for me to sit back and remember to focus on what’s the most important thing for me to focus on.
I agree with the need to focus on your health, for to many years I sacrificed my health to try and have it all.
The one other thing I would say is that everything doesn’t always have to be perfect. I’ve always felt the need to be the perfect wife. The perfect mother. The perfect employee. I didn’t want to press the publish button until it was perfect (which it never was!). Sometimes we just have to accept that it’s “feed enough”. One other thing (ok – that’s two!) is to not compare yourself to others. Your blog may not be as successful as someone else’s but that’s OK. It’s yours and that’s good enough.
Yes! Such wise advice here! Thank you for sharing!
Hi Crystal! So thankful for your post today! Words I needed to hear as I launched my brand new blog two weeks ago!
I’m also highly driven and have started blogging to provide an outlet for my creative personality, but primarily so that I can balance it with my family’s needs and prevent another burn out!
My advice for a healthy blog/work-life balance… as I learn myself…
1) It doesn’t have to be 100% perfect the first time. “Good enough” is enough to start. I’ll tweak and learn with time. Otherwise, I might never begin and my family might never see me!
2) It doesn’t all have to be done right now. Break down blog tasks into small bits that can be accomplished between summer camp drop offs, pick ups, errands, and housework. I used to stress if I hadn’t completed one large task on my work list each day, then realized that completing 5/10 small tasks for that one large task was more realistic with my family schedule and resulted in a much happier me and family!
I’m still new to blogging, but have made these adjustments based on my old attitudes toward working at home when I had a very responsible job from home. Blogging now gives me more flexibility with my family than that job did and I’m working hard to remember that! It is why I ultimately left that job!
This is SUCH good advice! Thank you for sharing!
I really appreciated the idea of breaking it down into smaller tasks! I once listened to a podcast by Chalene Johnson (?) that called them 20-minute push goals, which works when I actually take the time in ADVANCE to make a list of them, but I have to schedule time for that too! I completely haven’t done this for months and I am so glad you mentioned it here because I need to do this again! Thank you!
I had never heard of High Sensitivity before (as a genetic condition), so I found that link incredibly informative, both for me and some of my kids too–2 of us diagnosed with ADD and 1 with a spectrum disorder as well. Over the years, I have learned to value my differences, not just accommodate them, and this information was so helpful in that ongoing process. Thank you!!!!
Being different gives us many advantages in both business and life in general, but you’re right that it presents certain challenges too. Being informed and making wise choices based on what we know helps so much, and you are a wellspring of great information. 🙂
Recognizing that I was a highly-sensitive person was such a helpful revelation to me and explained all sorts of things in my life!
I’m an HSP too and it was so refreshing when I found out there are others who are dealing the the same sensitivity that I am!
It helps me to find a pen and a blank piece of paper. I write down my commitments. I ask myself questions like – How passionate am I about this? Is this something I am uniquely gifted in or am I just filling a space? What is the time commitment really like? How much control and flexibility will I have while doing it? Does it align with my long-term goals and priorities? What is the long-term impact of doing this? Hope this helps 🙂
These are SUCH great questions!! Thank you for sharing!
Dealing with the stress that accompanies working from home ( and being WAHM that homeschools) has been a real challenge for me. I try and prioritize self-care and create nourishing routines, like taking an hour walking outside in the evenings. Having studied herbalism, I also began researching and taking adaptogenic herbs ( like gynostemma and he shou wu ) regularly because they help the body and mind adapt to stress, and they help me to feel less overwhelmed.
I also finally started outsourcing work to my husband, who also works at home. He excels in areas that stress me out ( like managing my 25k member Facebook group lol) and doesn’t get as stressed out. I wish I had started outsourcing sooner! I know some people who actually have taken on an intern, which is a great idea if you’re on a budget and considering outsourcing.
I’m so proud of you for making these decisions that are best for you and your family!
This was not only a timely read for me and completely applicable but extremely ‘soothing’ to my heart. Thanks for transparency!!
I’m so grateful!!
I love this reminder. I love your reminder from “Say Goodbye to Survival Mode” that balance is never achieved, but something we constantly seek.
Balance is definitely something we have to continually work at – because change is so constant!
I have been working on being honest with myself on what I need to accomplish. I am a work from home mom, but we recently moved and most people don’t realize that. It is easy for me, especially in the summer, to try to do to many fun outings and activities. Then my work hours get pushed to the night when I should be sleeping. I am working on mapping things out better and setting realistic expectations. Thanks for the inspiration!
You are so welcome! Thank you for your kind encouragement!
I really appreciate how you distinguish the difference between “perfect balance” and “healthy balance.” I have had a hard time explaining that to my (very few) life-coaching clients, because it is so easy to get sucked into this “perfect” idea, but it doesn’t work out, especially when making an ideal calendar.
I tend to try to explain an ideal calendar as a bunch of lego blocks, each with their own distinguished activity for a time, that can be moved through the week–especially for moms who are working and moving pieces constantly, with very little consistency. However, although I have a metaphor to help plan getting to a healthy balance (legos stacked against time slots, and movable), I haven’t found words to really distinguish what we are trying to do! I am stealing your words and sharing them to those who get obsessed with the whole “perfect” balance and schedule!
One things that has helped me tremendously was beginning to Life Plan, or Life Map as I call it (my “plans” tend to fall through, but charting a movable course is possible). For a recovering over-doer-bad-at-rest-people-pleaser, this really made a HUGE difference for me, so much that I started coaching my readers (who tended to be like me, involved in social “world changing” do-gooder stuff).
If anyone is interested in this, Michael Hyatt’s “Living Forward” is a good place to start, or I have a Free Life Mapping Workbook you can use from my blog. For me, it just helped me really nail down what my priorities were, where I wanted to go, learn how to say “no,” how to implement a system to stay focused, etc… Kinda a big picture lifestyle method to live in healthy balance. Can’t recommend it enough!
Thanks SO much for sharing these great thoughts!!
Thank you so much for writing this post — this is just what I was wanting to hear about!
I’m so glad!
Hi Crystal, it’s been a week that I have better days. The keys are starting the day very early (& end it earlier too) & make sure my Carbo intake low. It gives me enough time to cook breakfast & lunch for the family & start the day calmer without hassle. Low carb intake make a real difference to help me not easily sleepy or tired for a whole day. Both help me to be a calmer person & to think more clearly, more productive as the result & more in control of the day. Less stressed & feel better. Thank you.
I’m SO glad you’ve found some things that have helped you! Thank you so much for sharing!
I’m in the process of developing my online business/presence which will likely include a blog soon. It can be very time consuming. Setting limits is so important. For example, using social media is a natural part of blogging. However, you might look at other successful bloggers who are on every social media avenue you can imagine and feel pressure to do the same. You might get there some day too. I’ve learned not to rush it. I’m on Pinterest and I just started using Facebook. When I get comfortable with something and feel like its making some progress, I begin something else. It helps me not get so overwhelmed.
Thanks so much for sharing such great words!
One of the things I did when my kids were little is start training them to be helpful. It is faster in the short-term to do it myself, but by the time they were pre-teens they could all cook (at least something), do the laundry, clean the house and take care of the basic farm chores. A little investing when they were young has paid big returns later, and has helped my life have a lot more balance as I can delegate to them and concentrate on things only I can do.
Such great advice! Thank you for sharing!